The lighter side of the downslide or is the economy a joke


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I’m an embarrassment to Barack!

I only scored 17 on the Obama Test

and damn proud of it! Take the test-see where you stand.

I decided to run this one again as it seems like I just wrote it yesyerday although I first wrote it in Febuary of 2009 and i say again to all the OBAMA supporters, how ya like the change so far??

I know and you know the economy is no joke, but with the winter winding down and spring coming(not too soon either!) I am feelin’ pretty good and am trying to keep my spirits up. Soooo……..I began a search through all my old saved emails, internet favorites and surfing around lookin’ for some ECONOMIC HUMOR ….I mean there HAS to be something to smile about, does’nt there?batf

An economist is someone who didn’t have enough personality to become an accountant
They say that Christopher Columbus was the first economist. When he left to discover America, he didn’t know where he was going. When he got there he didn’t know where he was. And it was all done on a government grant.
pay_taxes
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks “What do two plus two equal?” The mathematician replies “Four.” The interviewer asks “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says “Yes, four, exactly.” Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The accountant says “On average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average, four.” Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says “What do you want it to equal?”ronpaulifwestucktoconstitution

Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the market will take care of it.
unclesam

ON SELF DEFENCE
1. Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.
3. I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.
4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.
5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him ‘Why do you carry a 45?’
The Ranger responded, ‘Because they don’t make a 46.’
6. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. ‘Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?’
‘No Ma’am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun.’
7. Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!
political-national_health

But wait, there’s more!

I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house. I said I did. She said ‘Well I certainly hope it isn’t loaded!’
To which I said, “Of course it is loaded, can’t work without bullets!’
She then asked, ‘Are you that afraid of someone evil coming into your house?’
My reply was, ‘No not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too.’ To which I’ll add, having a gun in the house that isn’t loaded is like having a car in the garage without gas in the tank.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an economist?
A: An offer you can’t understand.
“I liked high gas prices. I mean, you could fill up your tank and double the value of your car.”
Q. What’s the difference between a pigeon and an investment banker?
A. A pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

Q. What’s the difference between an investment banker and a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas?
A. A tie
Q. What does AIG stand for?
A. American Innocence and Greed.

new economic plan-digging a deeper hole?

new economic plan-digging a deeper hole?


ani_brain

I have spent many minutes of valuable brain energy working out how to solve America’s economic problems, and now would like to share them with you.
Just follow these 10 steps to recover the dollar.
1) Adopt the Euro. At 1.6 dollars to the Euro, that’s point-six extra dollars we have to print. And paper costs money. Besides, the one economy this hurts most is Europe because they can’t sell their extra stuff. They’re stuck with buying our stuff because it’s cheaper. Which hurts us, because everybody knows that the person with the most stuff wins.
2) Invade Iran. Okay. The other two invasions aren’t working. By invading Iran, we can supplement our loss of Iraqi oil by expropriating Iranian oil. The terrorists will be too busy blowing up Iraqi oil refineries to notice.
3) Make Afghanistan the 51st state. That Karzai thing just isn’t working. All the people there have this weird religion where they have to pray five times a day, can’t eat bacon or drink whisky, they have to wear scratchy beards, cover their women with table sheets and can’t watch porn. And we wonder why they’re so cranky they blow themselves up. If I had to live like that, I’d explode, too. By making Afghanistan the 51st state, we can sell them “Playboys.” Problem solved.
4) Nuke the Arctic. Then point giant air conditioners at it. When the Arctic refreezes into giant blocks of ice, it will reverse global warming.
5) Put Saddam Hussein back in charge of Iraq. He’s the only one who’s kept the place from turning into Dodge City. Huh? What’s that? I’ll read your e-mail as soon as I finish this.
6) Replace the national Eagle symbol with a fish. As the Eagle is endangered, we can’t kill and eat Eagles any more. And we will always have enough fish.
7) Decide the next presidential election by making Hillary, Barack and McCain play paper-scissors-rock. We’ll save a whole lot of money that way.
8) Better yet, make Harrison Ford president. He was kickin’ in “Air Force One.” If Harrison Ford becomes president the first thing he’d do is go to Berserkistan or somewhere to find Osama bin Ladin and kick his butt.
9) Stop turning our corn into bio-fuel. We keep telling Africa that help is on the way while we Marie Antoinettes drive our big fat SUVs a half mile to Piggly-Wiggly’s to buy Sugar Sodas and Pork Rinds. Use rice for bio-fuel. There’s plenty of that.
10) Genetically engineer big giant hamsters.

Bush Calls For Panicpanic

WASHINGTON—In a nationally televised address to the American people Wednesday night, President Bush called upon every man, woman, and child to spiral uncontrollably downward into complete and utter panic.

Speaking from the Oval Office, Bush assured citizens that in these times of great uncertainty, the best and only course of action is to come under the throes of a sudden, overwhelming fear marked by hysterical or irrational behavior.

“My fellow Americans, the time for running aimlessly through streets while shrieking and waving our arms above our heads is now,” Bush said. “I understand that many of you are worried about your economic future and our situation overseas, and you have every right to be. Yet there is only one thing we as a nation can do in times like these: give up all hope and devolve into a lawless, post-apocalyptic, every-man-for-himself society.”

Are You a Republican, Democrat, or Southerner?
The answer can be found by answering the following question:
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock .40 calibre, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
Republican’s Answer:
BANG!
Democrat’s Answer:
Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
Southerner’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click….. (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! Click “Damn! I’m out!”
Daughter: “Nice pattern Daddy! Were those the Silver Tips, black talons, or them new Hollow Points?”
Son: “Can I shoot the next one Daddy?”
Wife: “You ain’t takin’ THAT to no Taxidermist!”madislam
febuaryAs you all know, the BIG Febuary givaway is still on! Leave a comment and request a pic, and ZIP! I will send you either a pic of ME on the tractor, or ME and the (damn) Duck.2be93cc2-eac5-4b4f-9afe-1657522f0ddc5resized-duck4dsc01157-re2“The duck TRULY is in mortal peril!

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19 Responses to “The lighter side of the downslide or is the economy a joke”

  1. rob Says:

    Rock on Willyo! Simply digging your site! I don’t know whether to laugh at the humor or cry about how true it is.

  2. Sue Says:

    Was just leaving for work, but had to read your latest first, makes me smile, and so very true

  3. muleteer Says:

    Very much enjoyed your lighter slide of the economy.

  4. MELBA Says:

    omg,your so rite

  5. mickey Says:

    am sure you’ve heard the one about beer and taxes:

    Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

    The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
    The fifth would pay $1.
    The sixth would pay $3.
    The seventh would pay $7.
    The eighth would pay $12.
    The ninth would pay $18.
    The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
    So, that’s what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. ‘Since you are all such good customers, he said, ‘I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

    The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men – the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his ‘fair share?’ They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

    And so:

    The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
    The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
    The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
    The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
    The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
    The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
    Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

    ‘I only got a dollar out of the $20,’declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,’ but he got $10!’

    ‘Yeah, that’s right,’ exclaimed the fifth man. ‘I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than I!’

    ‘That’s true!!’ shouted the seventh man. ‘Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!’

    ‘Wait a minute,’ yelled the first four men in unison. ‘We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!’

    The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

    The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

    And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

    David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
    Professor of Economics, University of Georgia

  6. mickey Says:

    I know it’s an analogy to tax cuts, and in the creeping socialism we have now, it may need to be updated. The way the economy is heading now, it looks like the tenth man has disappeared and the next four are going to pay for the first for to drink for free. (yay) we’ll all be poor, but have plenty to drink, we’ll need it.

  7. mickey Says:

    damn math, four plus four plus one is nine. so I guess it’s the guy in the fifth slot, must be a government worker, just enough paycheck to be out of the first set, but not enough to be paying for them, maybe he doesn’t drink at all, we’ll call him our minder.

  8. sharon Says:

    U rock, I love your newsletter!!!!! U made this old bartender smile,
    as u always do. LOVE YA!!

  9. dragon images Says:

    It’s ironic that while with the release of Suu Kyi Burma takes a step towards democracy Britain lurches away from it. No-one in government here is doing what they said they would when elected, no-one.

  10. revengeoftheghostwolf Says:

    Hey Willy O oh oh god damn I’m Stoned! Hey get it on the Mayor of Glenville’s SLOGAN contest!

    We entered too! See if you can come up with a slogan, something GLENVILLE means to you!

    City of Glenville Logo and Slogan Contest by Order of the Mayor Tampon Tashua
    Official Rules:

    1. Logo – Flexibility is a key requirement, including the need to resize easily and to look good in black and white and as well as color (if logo is done in color). The final version of the logo will need to be suitable for high quality printing.

    2. Slogan – What is Glenville to you? What is Glenville known for? How would you describe Glenville to others? Entrants must coin a slogan, 10 words or less, that captures the essence of the City of Glenville.

    3. Designs must be original ideas. Logos or slogans found elsewhere will be disqualified.

    4. The City of Glenville reserves the right not to select a winner if, in its sole discretion, no suitable entries are received.
    Here are the entries made by the West Virginia SS!

    Glenville- “The Capital of Crooked County”

    Visit beautiful Glenville and take the Basil Fred Hill Crooked River tour!

    “Glenville, the favorite place to disappear!”

    “The Home of the Crooked County Crooks!” Glenville West Virginia

    “Glenville, West Virginia where the ELITE MEET!”

    Glenville, where ya can’t be late for the meeting wit da youngest mayor in the state. “Puberty before Policy I always say!”

    Glenville the home of endless terms for GSC BOG!

    “The BEST at false arrest!” Glenville, West Virginia!

    Glenville, the HOME of “No Foul Play!”

    They “Make their OWN RULES” in Glenville West Virginia!

    “Only in Glenville…..”

    Glenville…with GSC high on the hill just as beautiful as a Swastika!

    I love you Glenville like I love the Foodland Heist and Jesus Christ!

    “Glenville! I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a SEX SCANDAL today!”

    LOVE YOUR SISTER it’s just a KISS AWAY and here to stay in Glenville … the home of the very sexy Lizzie and Lexie !!

    “Come home to Glenville and A SCANDAL you can handle at GSC …twiddly dee!“

  11. cosmiccommunications Says:

    Hope you get a big ole buck and fill up you freezer, them little Does are some good eatin too! Wishing YOU all the best and can’t thank you enough for all the loyalty. Hate to say it, but your prior experience before moving to Calhoun County and being a decent human being by learning about life in the big city, who to trust, who not to trust, who is lying to you and who is not has made you someone that a down home person would be glad to be around. I just know that you are truly someone that can be counted on. You are made of all the right stuff Willy O and a wise man indeed.

    I know right away when people are telling me some tall tale and I take right it to their face every time. I got a feeling you are just like me.

    Think there are any big bucks up there past Grantsville a piece?

    I bet you got a lot deer down there around Big Bend.

    You are due for the big rack!! Hope you get it!!

    Hey, what you think …?

    Them Deer won’t be laughing at me this year with a Chinese Made AK on full auto, ya think? The WOOD STOCK in the grease put it together yourself even if you don’t have them a little Chinese Fingers….

    I better take lots of amo

  12. PA Says:

    i like wireless internet because you can surf anywhere and you can avoid those ethernet cables :–

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  14. Elijah Novell Says:

    Love your site man keep up the good work

  15. cds81nj@yahoo.com Says:

    Hey,
    Funny stuff bro.Gave it 4 stars as always,left you important e-mail please read.
    -catch ya later-

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  17. revengeoftheghostwolf Says:

    Are you still alive home boy! Hell we got the WAR on over here!

    Ever run into the nubski’s?

    We heard there was some people around town asking about him.

    I think they are hoping to take him camping!

  18. Chris.S Says:

    Will,
    Sorry I couldnt Stay longer ,hope you enjoyed the booze see you ,and ma soon.

  19. Iona Says:

    If you are interested in topic: make money
    reselling tickets online – you should read about Bucksflooder first

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