Istole these from another page, i forget who(sorry author) I kinda thought that a “hillbilly classifieds” page might be amusing- Let me know if you have any other gems like the following-
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog…able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat … been out a while.
Better be a reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
California grown – 89 cents lb.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
$1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married last month.
Wife knows everything
and these are found by me(or I wrote ’em)
NOTICE — To all persons and businesses, I will not be responsi-ble for any debts other than my own.
Bernice R. Stump
WANTED — School teacher lady, shapely SWF, 29-40s. Take me to Dollar Store on Saturday. 354-xxxx. No male calls. 10tp/11/27-1/29 (actual ad!)
Wanted- purty woman with house, job and car, must be able to cook, clean and have food stamps- call 354-xxxx ask for bubba s
- Stock up and save. Limit: one.
- We build bodies that last a lifetime.
- For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
- Man, honest. Will take anything.
- Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
- Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
- Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
- Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
- Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
- 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
- Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
- Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
- Illiterate? Write today for free help.
- Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross
- and salary.
- Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
- And now, the Superstore — unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
- We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.
have any funny ones?- send ’em here