Another Humor Page!
Powered by WebRing®.
I’m always finding jokes, stories and pictures that are at least amusing in this time of economic woes. Threats to the UNITED in United States, are some states ready to abandon the union?(NH and OK), Threats to the 1st and 2nd amendments by the powers that be. Check out this site for something a bit frightning- http://www.theobamaforum.com/showthread.php?t=1808 I’ve been told these are parody sites and that is all in fun, I just don’t see the funny? Now this page however…….tha’s funny!
How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
The New Stimulus Plan
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White
One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is
from Minnesota .
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some
measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he
says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials,
$400 for my union crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring,
then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for
my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over
to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like
the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for
you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”
`Done!’ replies the government official.
And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.
All of you wine connoisseurs will love this one….
Wal-Mart announced that, sometime in 2009, it will begin offering customers a new discount item. Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine. The world’s largest retail chain is rumored to be teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of Napa to produce the spirits at an affordable price – in the $2 to $5 range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but ‘there is a market for inexpensive wine,’ said Kathy Micken, Professor of Marketing at University of Arkansas , Bentonville. ‘However, branding will be very important.’ Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can’t Believe it’s not Vinegar
2. Grape Expectations
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).
P.S. Don’t bother writing back that this is a hoax. I know possum is not a white meat.
Life is good…
Attack in Churchill, Manitoba, Canada.
These are pictures of an actual polar bear attack in
These pictures were taken while people watched
and could do nothing to stop the attack!
Reports from the local newspaper say that the victim
will make a full recovery.
Man searches the little kanawha river for lost wrist watch in febuary!
the watch was a gift from my daddy, said voltar greathouse, and i thought I would’nt get as wet when the river was frozen.
I’ve always liked this one and may have used it before, so sorry about that.
WHO IS JACK SCHITT ?
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’ Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against he r parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens
nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can correct them.
Crock O. Schitt
A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a Redneck Girl are in the same bar. When the
Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his
glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, “In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink with
the same one twice.” The Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his
beer, throws into
the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He
says,”In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don’t need to
drink with the same one twice either.” The Redneck Girl, cool as a
cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it
in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her .45, and
shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi Catching her glass, setting it on the
bar, and calling for a refill,
she says, “In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don’t have
to drink with the same ones twice.” God Bless America !
I find this next pic self explanatory(note tag!)
political gifs for ya;
And with that last bad taste pic I must say see ya!
*********I decided that since I have already written the next issue of WNRL I will publish it here, On thursday, Feb 26 instead of friday- click back tommorow***********************************
Still Available- pic of ME on tractor or pic of ME with the(damn)Duck- leave a comment and request tractor or duck and I’ll send ’em to ya. Free, full color pics of everyones favorite subject….ME!
The duck is afraid, verry afraid. With good reason, He is in peril!