“CLASSIFIED ADS”

Istole these from another page, i forget who(sorry author) I kinda thought that a “hillbilly classifieds” page might be amusing- Let me know if you have any other gems like the following-

stompbilly
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2  sneaky neighbor’s dog.
FREE PUPPIES… 
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog…able to leap tall  fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a  rat … been out a while.
Better be a reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. 
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
NORDIC TRACK
$300  Hardly used, call Chubby.
GEORGIA PEACHES 
California  grown – 89 cents lb.

 

WEDDING DRESS FOR  SALE.
WORN ONCE  BY MISTAKE.
Call  Stephanie.
FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set  of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition.
$1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married last month.
Wife knows everything

and these are found by me(or I wrote ‘em)

NOTICE — To all persons and businesses, I will not be responsi-ble for any debts other than my own.

                                                        Bernice R. Stump

WANTED — School teacher lady, shapely SWF, 29-40s. Take me to Dollar Store on Saturday. 354-xxxx. No male calls.                              10tp/11/27-1/29 (actual ad!)

Wanted- purty woman with house, job and car, must be able to cook, clean and have food stamps- call 354-xxxx ask for bubba s

classifieds

50

stupid

  • Stock up and save. Limit: one.

 

  • We build bodies that last a lifetime. 
  • For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
  • Man, honest. Will take anything.
  • Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
  • Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
  • Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
  • Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
  • Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
  • 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
  • Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
  • Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
  • Illiterate? Write today for free help.
  • Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross
  • and salary.
  • Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
  • And now, the Superstore — unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
  • We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.

 

 

 

have any funny ones?- send ‘em here

 

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